The Myths about Purpose

In leadership, one of the most common complaints I’m asked about is burnout:
How to avoid burnout | What do you do to fix burnout | What are the signs of burnout...

It’s a hot topic because it is so common. I often think of burnout like cancer for your work. It starts in one area, and over time it slowly starts to creep into every area of your work:

• Your projects

• Your co-workers

• Your relationship with your boss

• Your energy levels

• Your ideas and problem solving

• Your focus & motivation

Eventually, it’s taken over. Most people think they can manage it while they figure out how to make a change. Quickly, and almost silently, it starts to creep into their personal life. Before you know it, you’re unhappy at work and taking it out on your friends and family, and start looking for things to numb the unhappiness. This is where the signs of a mid-life crisis or full-blown breakdown start to show up
 

Lots of people speculate over what causes burnout, but over the last three years, I have been researching and studying burnout. Through my interviews and research, what I have come to find is that the leading cause of burnout is disconnection from purpose.
 

An independent research & consultancy firm has been performing research for over 60 years through conducting assessments in the area of motivation and unique work style. What they found is that when you are working outside of your inborn personal traits around your motivation style- the individual can only adequately perform for about 6 months before their performance drops or they burnout. So much of our motivation is tied to our ability to work connected to our purpose, so it is no surprise that disconnection from purpose accelerates and causes burnout.

We are not made to live outside of our purpose or out of alignment with our strengths, values, and motivation. These my friends are what causes us to be unfulfilled in our work, our health to deteriorate, and our relationships to suffer.

Knowing and being connected to our purpose is essential for high performance, self-motivation, thriving relationships, and overall success. 
 

If you read that and are discouraged because you don’t feel like you have any idea what your purpose is, don’t be. A few myths around the idea of purpose that we have to address:

1. Purpose = knowing what career or job you're supposed to be in. Purpose is not about a particular job or career. It has nothing to do with that. It’s about how you live your life, how you show up to others, and the choices you make. You can actually be living out your purpose in almost any career- as long as you are rooted in your purpose. 

2. You can’t live your purpose until you quit your job and pursue your passion. Sometimes living your purpose looks like making a career change, but not always and it definitely doesn’t require you to. This is the main thing that holds people back from living fully in their purpose. They live in this place of “one day”. Until I (you fill in the blank), I’ll just be waiting to finally, one day, get to walk out my purpose. This is a lie. Purpose is deeply etched inside who you are and how you decide you are going to live your life, and you can start living from that place today- without anything in your present circumstance changing. In fact, doing this often helps the places that are out of alignment with your purpose start to shift and you start to see change happen naturally, without forcing anything. 

3. Purpose = passion. Passions are things you enjoy doing or spending your time on. Purpose is about your identity and intentionality. How you show up to the things you are passionate about is your purpose. 

4. Purpose is about making my dreams come true. Your dreams coming true is not your purpose. Dreams are wonderful and we have forgotten the art and practice of dreaming big, but your purpose is not wrapped up in your dream (or past dreams). Purpose is the combination of an internal posture with outward service.

When leading from purpose, that last point is essential. Purpose is grounded in service. Yes, it is great to have dreams and goals you're going after, but your purpose is more about the areas you serve others in.

Purpose-driven leaders are servant leaders. What does this practically look like:

• They look for ways to serve their teams and customers. How can they make their lives better? How can they improve their work or life? 

• They listen to understand and then meet them where they are

• They help raise the bar in other's lives and then help to bridge the gap for each person to reach higher and go further

• They sacrifice their own comfort for the betterment of their team

• They make room for others at the table and give those below them opportunity to shine 

• They are committed to helping others grow. They promote publicly and correct graciously

It’s vital that we shift our thinking on what purpose is. When I first start working with leaders, their purpose is often self-serving but in doing the work, what they find is that in reality purpose is mostly others-focused. 

The internal aspect of purpose is about intentionality, how we see ourselves, and how we commit to living outwardly. From there, purpose is lived through an outward expression to others and to the great things we find ourselves a part of. 

It’s time to commit today to lead from purpose. 

How purpose-driven is your leadership? Choose 1 or 2 areas you will commit to working on to reconnect your purpose to your leadership and your personal life.

Need help discovering your purpose? Go here to schedule a call to learn more about how you can discover your purpose and start living & leading from it in every area of your life.

The 80/20 Principle: How to hyper-focus and set priorities

Remember when the pandemic first hit and we all thought we’d spend a few months working from home and then things would go back to “normal?”  
Yes, I've also had to come to grips with the fact that this is our new normal: sharing workspaces with 4 other people in our house, being full-time stay-at-home working parents, and now if you have school-aged kids you may be adding full-time teacher to that list as well, yay...

This week I worked with four different clients who all are doing their best to figure out how to lead their teams who are facing the fact that now, with their kids having to do school at home, they will be responsible for both their work responsibilities and their kid’s education. As leaders, we absolutely have to face the reality that this year will be different. All those incredible goals you and your team set back in January, have to shift (if they haven’t already), but more than just goals, your expectations for your team and yourself have to shift as well. Realistic expectations are key for success, health, and maintaining good relationships with each other. 

But as leaders, we also know that we have a business to run. If we want to keep our jobs then we have to grow profits and deliver results. So how do we go this realistically- while maintaining our relational, mental, and physical health? We are going to have to get really clear on what is truly important and use the time we have to its full potential. 

I wanted to share a tool that has helped me tremendously with my focus and productivity:

The Pareto Principle, also known as the 80:20 Rule. Simply put, the 80:20 rule is that 80% of our results come from 20% of our efforts. Several studies have found that 80% of a company's revenue comes from only 20% of their customers. So if you have a project due, or there are sales numbers or KPIs you have to hit, then you have to determine what is the 20% of your activity that you need to hyper-focus on in order to get those results but also what is the 80% of distraction that is wasting your time.
To make this easy, I put together a simple process to follow, that I call the 3 D’s:

• Discover your top strengths - what you do best. Make a list of maybe 4 or 5 areas of strength.

• Determine your key responsibilities. You can do this by grouping your tasks to create a list of about 10 responsibilities and then narrowing it down to 2 or 3 (MAX) that only you can do. 

• Delegate. Now, using your list above, you can see the other 7 or 8 areas that you’ll need to delegate to your team. If you don’t have a team, then you’ll need to discover what items on that list can come off (because honestly, they aren’t helping you achieve results) or you’ll have to prioritize them based on the key indicators and results and how each activity most contributes to achieving those. If it doesn’t, then it either comes off the list or will have to wait. 

Help your team go through this practice as well. In your next team meeting, walk them through an exercise where they write down their strengths, group their activity into 10 responsibilities and help them narrow down the 2 or 3 that create the most impact. Then help them to know how to prioritize and focus on those key areas. 

The reality is, most people will not, and cannot, work 40 hours a week in the current environment. The good news is that we don’t need 40+ hours a week to get results. We just have to hyper-focus on the activity that really creates impact and produces results, this is called the vital few. The extra fluff, also known as the trivial many (aka distractions), has to be thrown out.

If you want to learn more about The Pareto Principle, I highly recommend this article on using the 80:20 principle to become a better leader.

What are you doing to juggle all the competing priorities, in the midst of limited resources, space, and limited ability to connect and interact? Comment and let me know! It's so important to be learning from each other.

Lastly, If you're looking to optimize your leadership to drive results, improve team effectiveness, lead change, achieve balance so you can show up well in every area of your life, determine your career goals and work from your purpose, and all the skills needed to lead in the midst of a pandemic go here to schedule a call to learn what executive and leadership coaching can provide for you.

That time I asked myself the hard question and the answer I didn't want to hear

In 2019, I came to grips with the harsh reality that for years I had been waiting on the sidelines to hopefully one day pursue my dreams and start living out my purpose. 

This meant that I felt no purpose in what I was doing in my day-to-day. Sure I found meaning in raising my daughter and with my family, but I felt exhausted and meaningless in my work and daily life. I was living in a constant state of “one day.” This is how a lot of people feel—that purpose is something large scale like pursuing a dream, starting a business, or achieving something grand.

But the truth I found over the last year is that purpose is about living intentionally. I believe this is where most people get confused and hold themselves back. They believe they have to see a dream being fulfilled or figure out their “reason for living,” aka their purpose, and if they’re not then they are just on the sidelines hoping to one day be in the game. 

I started to learn that purpose is practically walked out when we understand how our actions are connected to something bigger than ourselves. I used to think that looks like being a public figure, saving lives, owning a company, being an influencer, doing ministry, etc., but it’s actually much simpler and deeper than that. I started to look at how every little action I took connected to something larger. The opportunity to contribute to something bigger than us is already available, we just have to shift our focus to see it. 

Here's an example from one of my coaching clients:

Mark: Financial advisor, works with clients in the middle-class income range, no huge portfolios to manage, nothing fancy

Recent Situation: He helped a family get their budget in order and after years of struggling to get out of debt, they finally paid off their credit card bill after working with Mark. He also helped set up income protection for this family, and recently the husband was diagnosed with cancer. Now he is able to take the time off work he needs to focus on his health and get well, while still being able to bring in a paycheck, all because they worked with him. They don’t lose their house and the family has one less stress in the midst of a highly emotional time- and this is possible because of the help he provided.   

In Mark’s personal life: He leaves work early and picks up his kids from school once a week. It’s a weekly tradition he’s kept in place since he had his first child. His son recently was being bullied. On one of the outings, he opened up and shared what he’s going through. He trusts his dad because of the relationship they’ve developed over the years. His son’s friends are shocked that he would even consider talking to his dad about that kind of stuff. But because of the years Mark spent encouraging him, showing how proud of him he is, sharing his own stories of pain, and calling out his son’s identity he feels comfortable talking to his dad. Because he’s taken the time to really know his son, they have a deep relationship. This has created a confident teenager, who navigates school and peer pressure well. 

You can see through the story above that purpose is tied to legacy. When we live from a place of legacy we start to see the purpose in the small actions of our day to day lives. In my work, I always stress the importance of living a life full of purpose because I believe that if we aren’t living intentionally in every area of our lives, then we are not living from our purpose. We can not let our drive to accomplish our dreams or achieve greatness cause us to bankrupt the other areas of our life.We do this through intentional living. Here are some practical ways to do this.
 

Weigh our decisions carefully and thoughtfully.
For instance, when we are faced with needing to decide a course of action, whether to add something new to our plate or how to approach a situation, consider the long term effects and how those involved will be impacted. Weigh these pieces carefully and remember life is a marathon, not a sprint

Commit to a decision and don’t break promises, especially to yourself. 
So often we are the first person we let down. We do this because it’s easier to forgive ourselves, rather than fear disappointing someone else. After all, at least if we have to cancel on ourselves it doesn’t require us to explain the reason why and end up in conflict. But how we treat ourselves communicates to others how they’re allowed to treat us. If we devalue ourselves, it communicates to others that it’s ok for them to not value us and our needs. If we don’t honor our schedule, it tells others that they also don’t have to respect our time

Make intentional deposits, consistently and often.
After our own needs, I find that our family and loved ones are often the next on the chopping block. We tell ourselves that they’ll understand, we’ll make it up to them later, or they’re way more forgiving than our boss, student, clients… you fill in the blank. But those actions corrode the trust bank we have with our loved ones. I cannot tell you how many fractured marriages and relationships I see in my work, and how many people tell me that they wish they could go back and do it over again. We don’t always get a do-over. Those closest to us deserve our best and remember our relationships have a bank. Like any bank account, if we only make withdrawals and forget to make consistent deposits, we’ll end up over-drawn and bankrupt. So look for ways to make daily deposits. Invest in your relationships and keep your commitments, and it will build connection

Connect your work to the greater cause and show up for it fully. 
I once worked for a staffing agency. It was a thankless job that worked to place people with complicated backgrounds in manufacturing jobs. It was exhausting and left me frustrated more days than not. But I started learning from my boss the art of hearing people’s stories. Why were they here, what led them to where they were in their life, what were their struggles and their dreams? I started to see their humanity, people who had real lives, pain, and passions like myself. So I recognized that when I helped Travis get a job, I helped him sleep better at night and pay his bills. When he dropped the ball and didn’t show up for work, I now didn’t get offended and think of him as lazy, but instead provided accountability for him to learn and tie it back to how it impacted his loved ones. Maybe he didn’t have someone growing up to teach him about work ethic but I could be someone he might learn from. Trust me, it still had its hard days but now my work had meaning and it was impacting people on a much greater scale. When we link our work to the big picture we start to walk out the purpose found in our daily lives. 

Consider this:

• What area of your life have you been neglecting?

• Are there relationships that are suffering because you’ve forgotten to make deposits? 

• Do you rush through life forgetting to live intentionally? 

• Do you break promises to yourself because it’s easier than letting other people down?

The real question is, what are you going to do differently? Let me know how you are going to start living your life intentionally and connected to purpose. The time is now to start living full of purpose!